Seriously, listen up girls. LISTEN UP!
Stupid ass scenario 1) John meets Sally. Sally says she likes John. Sally calls John. John calls Sally. This happens for a while back and forth mutually. One day, John calls Sally and Sally does not answer. This is not usual of Sally so John calls Sally once more. Sally does not answer. John likes Sally so he is worried about Sally so he texts Sally. Sally does not respond still. John calls Sally later that night, and still Sally does not answer. John goes to sleep worried. The next day John calls Sally and Sally still does not answer. John gets mad now and sends a text basically saying “What the hell, Sally?” Finally, later (and later could be the next day a few days or a few friggin’ months) Sally calls John. John says, “Thank God you are okay Sally! What happened? I was worried about you.” Sally says something like, “You were being annoying or needy calling so much.” or perhaps, “You called too much so I didn’t call you.” John is left very confused and very angry.
Alright look. You Sally’s seem to be confused at the definition of a stalker, first of all. I once went bowling with a Sally, who looked over at a John bowling a few lanes over, and started to freak out. Sally was like, “Oh my god, it’s the kid that stalks me!” I asked Sally what John had done, and Sally said this. And this is word for word. “He texts me ‘How are you?’ all the time.” THAT IS NOT A STALKER. A stalker is someone who follows you home, Sally, and knows your families full names and the name and breed of the two dogs you have. A stalker is someone that when asked could tell you every favorite thing you like and what you do right before you go to bed when you think you are alone. A stalker is NOT the kid that you once dated and decided you didn’t like, but forgot to tell him in A PLAIN AND SIMPLE WAY. Don’t try to make the dude guess. TELL HIM you don’t like him, Sally. IF AND ONLY IF YOU SAY AT LEAST ONE TIME “John, don’t call me anymore your ugly,” OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND JOHN DECIDES TO KEEP CALLING CAN YOU SAY HE IS A STALKER OR NEEDY OR WHATEVER. If John had called, and you had answered, and then John called again, and you answered, and John called once more, and you answered, then maybe you could call him obsessive. If you just decide not to ever answer and completely ignore him, if he actually cared about you, which every Sally I have met in the past few months have seemed to have an issue with, he will WORRY ABOUT YOUR HEALTH AND WELL BEING AND CALL ANOTHER TIME. NEXT – tell John WHY. Here is the exact thing said to me when this similar situation happened to me not very long ago. “Goodnight baby, I heart you and I can’t wait to dream of you. I will call you when I get up J.” I haven’t heard from her for two months now, and that Sally knows who she is if she is reading this. You are fucking stupid and a fucking coward if you just run away when you decide you want to move on without telling the people in your life at that time that you don’t want them in your life anymore. I am a big boy and can handle it if you don’t like me anymore. But say something. There is nothing I hate more than these two things – people that ignore you without telling you why, and people that hate you without a reason.
Let’s look at a few of the reasons why John might call you twice in a row or more than once in a day when you don’t answer BESIDES THE REASON “HE MUST BE A NEEDY STALKER THAT IS GOING TO PUSH HIMSELF UNWANTED INTO MY LIFE.” Have you ever gotten a text message while you were busy, like driving in difficult traffic, or at work or school or something, and you check the message really quick but don’t respond and try to just remember that you need to text that person back? But then before you can you get more texts from other people, and that person’s text gets pushed way down the list and you forget that they even texted you? That happens to me all the time! Because it happens to me all the time, I assume it can just as easily happen to everyone else as well. So do you know what I do when I think that may have happened? I TEXT THEM AGAIN!!! Why? BECAUSE THEY NEVER ANSWERED and I don’t go around assuming that when people that liked me earlier that day don’t answer their phone that they are purposely ignoring me as some kind of sick test to see if I would call back too many times!
How about this one? Have you ever had your phone on silent and then not heard a call from someone you wanted to talk to? YEAH, ME TOO!! Because it happens to me all the time, I assume it can just as easily happen to everyone else as well. So do you know what I do when I think that may have happened? I CALL THEM AGAIN.
Here is the best part of that situation. If John calls Sally again, Sally thinks John is obsessive. But perhaps John wanted to tell Sally, who happens to like parties, that there was I don’t know A PARTY SHE WOULD HAVE LIKED and John does NOT call Sally again when she doesn’t pick up. And then Sally finds out that there was a party, Sally will get mad at John for not calling her again, and will blame not picking up the phone on something insignificant like SHE DIDN’T HEAR IT!!!
So Sally, when you meet John and you like John, even if it is just for a minute, and you let John know that, TELL HIM when you no longer like him. Don’t just ignore him completely and then call him a stalker when he keeps calling because he wants to know what happened. You think he can get the hint, but maybe he can’t. I, for one, and not an idiot, so Sally’s, when you do that to ME and I call back over and over again. I UNDERSTAND that you no longer like me anymore, but I just want to get a hold of you so that number one, I can know why, but mostly, so that I can fucking tell you that you are an idiot before I never talk to you again.
Stupid ass scenario 2) – John meets Sally. Sally pretends to like John. Sally pretends to like John A LOT. Sally makes out with John for a long time in a bedroom or closet on a boat. A light bulb suddenly turns on in John’s mind and John asks Sally, “Do you have a boyfriend?” Sally says no to John and begins kissing John all over again. John interrupts Sally again and says, “Are you sure because your brother and friends say that you do?” Sally assures John that they are idiots and have no idea what they are talking about and kisses John again. John decides to believe Sally. After John and Sally immerge hot and sweaty from the closet, John hears talk about how Sally is a slut because Sally has a boyfriend. John decides to defend Sally and believe that Sally wouldn’t lie to innocent John. Sally’s brother says, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when Sally plays you for a fool, John.” John says, “I won’t have to because I know Sally wouldn’t do that.” The next day, Sally doesn’t respond to John’s calls, similar to scenario one. John later finds out that that is because Sally was with her boyfriend all day.
Sally, Sally, Sally… How could you do that to little John (who happens to be very not little in the pants.) And you definitely know who you are Sally. What did John do to you? John was sweet, charming, ruggedly handsome, and very different from the stereotypical John, and you probably fucked any chance with him in the future. Shame on Sally. And Shame on John for making the same mistake twice after the skate park. Sally, one night stands do not please John. Don’t say, “Well at least you got some.” John even told you that John valued cuddling more than sex.
Again. WHY DO YOU SALLY’S DO THAT SO MUCH? All I ever here about is how John’s use you and how John’s are assholes and how john’s just think about sex all the time. That is very wrong and very opposite of what really happens. What really happens is you Sally’s MISUNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!!! YOU TAKE FUCKING EVERYTHING THE WRONG WAY, like seriously. Here are a few sub scenarios to help explain.
Sub scenario 1) (we will use Bertha and Carl for this one because I am getting tired of Sally and John.) Bertha and Carl are cuddling watching a movie. Carl puts his arm around Bertha. Bertha is waiting for a kiss and Carl knows it. Carl kisses Bertha. Bertha kisses Carl. Carl and Bertha are making out. Carl absent mindedly goes for a feel. Bertha doesn’t mind. (if she does mind, end of scenario, but that is usually NOT the case.) Bertha starts getting hot. Carl warns Bertha that it is not a good idea. Bertha continues. Carl struggles for a minute trying to avoid going past making out, but Bertha keeps on coming on strong. Carl knows the blood is leaving his brain and asks if she is sure she wants to keep doing this. Bertha wants to do EVERY CONCEIVABLE THING BESIDES THIRD AND HOME PLATE. Bertha drags this on for a very long time, teasing Carl, until finally Carl wants to either A-have sex or B-get head. Bertha now is furious with Carl and says that all he cares about is sex and doesn’t like Bertha for Bertha. CARL WARNED YOU BERTHA BUT YOU HAD TO KEEP COMING. Guys don’t think about sex when we walk with you down the street or watch a movie with you. Guys think about sex when they are being grinded on by Bertha so much that their jeans are rubbing their manhood raw. Here is the problem. A survey will say that men initiate sex more than men, but most men would disagree? Why, because we have different definitions of what sex is. When you put your hand down our pants, or dry hump us, we consider that very sexual, and don’t see much a difference between that and actually having sex. Girls think that ONLY SEX IS SEXUAL, and everything else is just extreme flirting or something.
Sub scenario 2) (Judy and Brock for this one) Judy and Brock are at the grocery store. Judy tells Brock that she wants some Pizza. Brock asks Judy what kind she would like. Judy tells Brock to choose. Brock ISN’T IN THE MOOD FOR PIZZA AND REPLIES, “You decide because you will probably eat most of it.” Judy gets very mad at Brock and says Brock called her fat and ignores Brock for a while Judy throws a little tantrum inside her mind. BROCK DIDN’T MEAN YOU WOULD EAT IT ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE A PIG. Brock simply meant that he didn’t want any pizza, so you could decide because you wanted the pizza, Judy!!! Another misunderstanding for the girls! So far you have misunderstood what sex is, thought that a guy is calling you fat when he really just wanted you to be happy with the flavor you got, and thought that the guy that you left hanging was stalking you. YOU BLOW EVERYTHING WAAAY OUT OF CONTEXT AND PROPORTION!!!
Stupid ass scenario 3) Bobby and Fran have dinner with Bobby’s family. Later Fran and Bobby hang out with Bobby’s friends. Fran and Bobby go home separate ways that night. The next day, Bobby wants to see Fran but Fran says she can’t because she is hanging out with friends. Bobby asks if they can hang out after and Fran says she can’t because she is spending time with her family. Bobby gets upset and Fran gets very mad and doesn’t know why. She says that she and Bobby spent all yesterday with Bobby’s family and friends and thinks that Bobby is selfish because he is mad she wants a day with hers. Fran, that is NOT why Bobby is upset. Bobby is upset because Bobby includes you with his friends and family, and then you don’t invite him when you hang out with yours. Bobby is upset because Fran is living two lives. Her life with Bobby, and her life without Bobby. Bobby is just living one life, his life with Fran.
If Fran wants Bobby to include Fran in his life, Fran better include Bobby in hers too!
The last stupid ass situation) (and this one can go the other way as well and be the guys fault, and then it is just as stupid of a situation) Gary and Paula have been together for a while. Gary tells Paula he loves her. Paula tells Gary she loves him. Gary ACCIDENTALLY upsets Paula. Paula decides that the only way she is going to feel better is if she makes GARY sad. Perhaps Gary was with friends and didn’t call Paula until late. So Paula gives Gary a huge guilt trip about how Gary likes his friends more than Paula. Sometimes, Gary doesn’t even have to do ANYTHING, and Paula just randomly decides to give Gary the guilt trip. If Paula does this, Paula is a HUGE LIAR. If Gary tries to make Paula upset for revenge HE IS A HUGE LIAR! DO NOT GIVE GUILT TRIPS!!! WHY? Because love is NOT wanting to make the other person cry or feel bad. If someone upsets you talk to them about it. Tell them you love them and it hurt when they did that and work it out. Don’t just storm off, or ignore them, or try to make them feel bad. If you love someone, no matter what, you want them to always feel safe, and loved, and happy. Hate is making people cry or feel bad about themselves, and I have seen so many Judy’s make a Gary feel like fucking shit just so that they could pride themselves at being right. And you say you love each other….
If you are a girl, and you read this, and you agree and say “I would never do that to you, Chris.” Or you say, “Seems to me like you are looking for girls in the wrong places, Chris.” Or “If only you knew, Chris.” Or “How could a girl do that to you Chris, you are so sweet?” Or “Those girls don’t know what an amazing man they had, Chris.” And you think you like me, and you start talking to me, and I decide I want to meet you, and we hang out, and we date, and then you do all that same old shit that I have been through for the last three months, SWEET GOD I will unleash on you, because each girl I have explained my situation, and they say they feel for me, and then they turn around and ignore me or lie to me. I don’t deserve that. I am not like you girls though. I don’t give up and say “Fuck women. All women are assholes. I think I’m gonna be gay.” I take what I learn and move on just like you all should do. I am not trying to market myself, but when I say I care, I care. If I decide I like you, I will like you. If I tell you I love you, I mean it. I will write songs about you. I will call you. I will text you. I will worry about you. And if you decide to ignore that and not tell me why, I WILL BOTHER YOU! I am so sick of confident assholes. I am confident ladies, very confident, and I pull it off without being a fucking tool. I am sick of guys who half ass relationships. I am sick of girls who say they love someone and then try to make them angry. I am not easily upset. I rarely get mad. If you don’t like me I won’t be butt hurt, but if you just disappear then I WILL be pissed, and you will be the person I write the song that everybody wonders what girl pissed off that guy so much for him to write that amazing hate song about.
They say beware the wrath of a patient man, and I can count the girls on one hand that have genuinely pissed me off in my entire life and you know who you are. If not, ask and I will kindly tell you J. But only the people you care about can truly upset you, and I have forgiven all of you and will never give you enough chances to try again
With that being said, I also thank god for the girls that have stayed in my life and that I do know would never do that and I hope they know who they are because I talk to them everyday and they make me smile all the time. If not, ask, and I will kindly tell you, and I will be honest
